Review of Cave of Forgotten Dreams
By my nine year-old
May 22, 2011
If you enjoyed my daughter's review of TRON: Legacy, or her recent take on Athens singer/songwriter Madeline, then I know what you've been asking yourself:
When will she review a film by Werner Herzog?
Mercifully, the wait is over. Her review of Cave of Forgotten Dreams appears below.
I don't get why people make pointless movies. I mean, it's not like anyone's gonna want to see them. And I didn't hate Cave of Forgotten Dreams because I was the only person under 30 seeing it... I hated it because of the nothingness!
Anyway, there was a lot of paintings on the wall and I saw a boar eating a hot dog, but I didn't see any of the insane things they were seeing. And near the end they did this really long like 20 minute thing just showing these weird white crocodile alligator things swimming around. It was pointless. All it did was show a bunch of them bump into each other and keep on having nothing to do with anything.
The best part (which doesn't even count as a part!) was when a guy looked like one of the jillion guys named "Michael" at Georgia Tech. But when he said Yes, yes, definitely it sounded like Des, des, nefinitely!
And when they go in the cave, the narrator makes it sound like he's in mourning because he has to stay on the two foot wide metal walkway. Yeah, you're not the most important person in the world.